Recently I felt more tired and wanted more time to myself. It's starting to be challenging to deal with little privacy as there are many volunteers in this house, and little time to be alone and reflect on my life. Right now I'm alone in the living room, as everyone else has gone to bed. I have still learned important lessons, though, and I know I will continue to learn more.
The weekend was fun. I saw more friends and even some unexpected people like Weijie at a Harvard alumni gathering. Once I started volunteering again on Monday, though, I suddenly felt weary and easily annoyed at the older students. Monday and Tuesday were both like that. It was hard to teach piano and be patient as most of the students have to go over one measure for fifteen minutes before getting it right. It is hard at night in English corner when a girl who is the same age as me acts like a 10 year old and the other girls are all grabbing for my attention. It was a sharp contrast from my earlier enthusiasm and warmth toward all the children. I was confused as to why there was such a big turnaround, and I was concerned that if this is only my third week volunteering, how will I last through the next several weeks until September?
But now I am thinking, how will I last through the last day when I have to leave? I only have six weeks left here? It seems like a short time. I found 1 Timothy 1:12-17 quite inspiring. The apostle Paul is thankful that he is saved by a merciful God. God has been so gracious to him, and he considers himself the worst of sinners. Christ shines through him, then, so that he is an example of the mercy that has been shown him. It is easy for me to forget my place. I am easily proud and believe I deserve all the blessings I have, and I am ungrateful for what I have been given in abundance. That makes me more prone to judge others and be demanding and unmerciful. But these verses reminded me of my proper place and how I should be grateful and love others instead of criticizing them and wishing they were different. The children are a blessing, not a burden. They are teaching me patience and love, and they themselves are loving and happy.
Last night, Chun Yu (Lucy), a four year old girl, had to be put in the sick room on the same floor as my room. I have really cared for her from the beginning. She is beautiful and tragic. She has CVI (cortical vision impairment) which means her eyes are fine, but her brain is damaged and she therefore cannot see. She must have a bunch of other problems too, because most of the time she just sits in place and doesn't move. She hardly talks unless someone asks her a question, and she only responds in short sentences. Her face is blank unless she is crying, and she cries whenever anyone moves her a little too quickly or roughly, like when we play Ring around the Rosy in English class.
I think Chun Yu knows my name. They all call me 安姐姐(An jiejie). Tonight, the nanny who was watching her and the other sick child, Li Long, went to give Li Long a bath and asked me to watch Chun Yu. I sat with her on the couch and talked to her. I told her my mom and sister are visiting next week. She played with my name tag for a while. It was encouraging to even see that her hands were moving constantly instead of being still at her sides. I wondered what it would be like to have this kind of child. All parents hope for children who respond to their love. Chun Yu doesn't respond to anyone. She was neglected for the early part of her life; maybe that's part of the problem. I prayed for her in Chinese and English as we sat there. I don't know what this four year old girl's life will be like, but I hope she is happy and safe.
This is the link to her bio on the Bethel site, and you can see more pictures of her by clicking on the arrows in the first picture.
http://www.bethelchina.org/english/About%20children/Chun%20yu.htm
More on other kids later.
The weekend was fun. I saw more friends and even some unexpected people like Weijie at a Harvard alumni gathering. Once I started volunteering again on Monday, though, I suddenly felt weary and easily annoyed at the older students. Monday and Tuesday were both like that. It was hard to teach piano and be patient as most of the students have to go over one measure for fifteen minutes before getting it right. It is hard at night in English corner when a girl who is the same age as me acts like a 10 year old and the other girls are all grabbing for my attention. It was a sharp contrast from my earlier enthusiasm and warmth toward all the children. I was confused as to why there was such a big turnaround, and I was concerned that if this is only my third week volunteering, how will I last through the next several weeks until September?
But now I am thinking, how will I last through the last day when I have to leave? I only have six weeks left here? It seems like a short time. I found 1 Timothy 1:12-17 quite inspiring. The apostle Paul is thankful that he is saved by a merciful God. God has been so gracious to him, and he considers himself the worst of sinners. Christ shines through him, then, so that he is an example of the mercy that has been shown him. It is easy for me to forget my place. I am easily proud and believe I deserve all the blessings I have, and I am ungrateful for what I have been given in abundance. That makes me more prone to judge others and be demanding and unmerciful. But these verses reminded me of my proper place and how I should be grateful and love others instead of criticizing them and wishing they were different. The children are a blessing, not a burden. They are teaching me patience and love, and they themselves are loving and happy.
Last night, Chun Yu (Lucy), a four year old girl, had to be put in the sick room on the same floor as my room. I have really cared for her from the beginning. She is beautiful and tragic. She has CVI (cortical vision impairment) which means her eyes are fine, but her brain is damaged and she therefore cannot see. She must have a bunch of other problems too, because most of the time she just sits in place and doesn't move. She hardly talks unless someone asks her a question, and she only responds in short sentences. Her face is blank unless she is crying, and she cries whenever anyone moves her a little too quickly or roughly, like when we play Ring around the Rosy in English class.
I think Chun Yu knows my name. They all call me 安姐姐(An jiejie). Tonight, the nanny who was watching her and the other sick child, Li Long, went to give Li Long a bath and asked me to watch Chun Yu. I sat with her on the couch and talked to her. I told her my mom and sister are visiting next week. She played with my name tag for a while. It was encouraging to even see that her hands were moving constantly instead of being still at her sides. I wondered what it would be like to have this kind of child. All parents hope for children who respond to their love. Chun Yu doesn't respond to anyone. She was neglected for the early part of her life; maybe that's part of the problem. I prayed for her in Chinese and English as we sat there. I don't know what this four year old girl's life will be like, but I hope she is happy and safe.
This is the link to her bio on the Bethel site, and you can see more pictures of her by clicking on the arrows in the first picture.
http://www.bethelchina.org/english/About%20children/Chun%20yu.htm
More on other kids later.
posted by Ann Chao at 7:36 AM
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