I was going to write a long post about the details of my weekdays, but I learned an important lesson recently and I wanted to share it.

Since I first came to Bethel, some of the older kids ask me every day about last year's volunteer from Harvard. I had a meal with him in the spring to find out more about Bethel, but I'm not close friends with him. Xiao Hua and Xiao Guang in particular are constantly asking questions about him, where he is right now, when he's coming back, and sometimes just repeat his name over and over. It doesn't bother me, but it makes me curious as to how he made such a huge impression on the students that they still miss him a year later. After all, they see tons of volunteers every summer who are kind to them and fun to be with. I wondered what he did that was different.

Friday night, I found out some more from Guillaume and Delphine.

Guillaume said this volunteer was absolutely amazing at piano, and Delphine added that the most amazing thing was his humility. There was one time last summer when a famous American pianist came to do a fundraiser or something for Bethel, and Guillaume set up his professional keyboard outside on the lawn. She said something snobbish like she could have brought her grand piano here if she had known that they were going to use a keyboard. She bragged that the Chinese say her fingers are the fastest in the world. Then she performed and played something really simple like Fur Elise. Afterward they asked Bethel's volunteer piano teacher to play. Guillaume and Delphine expected him to play something that would blow everyone away (he can play Rach 3--Rachmaninoff's 3rd piano concerto) but instead he played a simple hymn. He didn’t show off in front of everyone or make the famous pianist lose face. He just walked away from the piano without anyone really noticing him. Only Guillaume and Delphine knew what he had done, a true act of humility.

The story would split off at the point he was asked to play something for the crowd. I was expecting to hear that he blew everyone away with a difficult piece and put the arrogant woman in her place. And since that was the first thought that came to my mind naturally, I know that I would have almost certainly taken that path had I been in his shoes. But the other path was the one he took. Instead of seeking his own glory, he was humble and chose a simple piece—a hymn, of all choices.

I was immediately awed what Guillaume said. But at the same time, I was indignant. I was annoyed at the arrogant pianist who thought she was so great while she performed something a kid in elementary school could play. I felt that it would have been the right thing to do to bring her pride down a few notches by upstaging her.

The conflict between what I know is truly right and what I think I would have done led to repentance. There are so many lessons to learn from this. I am sure I will continue to think about it and learn more. But one question I ask myself is: who do I resemble more, the Bethel volunteer, or the arrogant celebrity?

I would have to say the second. I always feel like I have so much to offer—whether it is to the Bethel children, to my friends, in classes, in music, etc. Meanwhile, what I really have to offer equals out to Fur Elise when compared with many people who are much more capable, talented, and experienced than I. In the eyes of God, what I have to offer is a one-handed rendition of Mary had a Little Lamb.

Meanwhile, the person who really has much treasure to offer decides to store it in heaven instead of seeking the praises of man. As I reflect on it more, I realize that showing off for that one night would have led to nothing of worth. As Matthew 6:5 says, “I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.”

The struggle with pride is a long one that is never permanently won during one's lifetime, since the self always surfaces and wants to have its way. I learned an important lesson in my purpose and identity as a volunteer this summer. I started off the spring semester thinking I would perform a charity recital in Beijing to raise a few thousand dollars for Bethel. I felt so convicted to do this that I left Under Construction (a Christian a cappella group I've been involved with since freshman year) to start practicing piano. I kept hitting roadblocks that made it seem impossible for the plans to work out, but each time it seemed God made a way for me to succeed through a new contact. In the end it seemed everything would work out--I would perform along with the Bethel choir on July 8 at the Central Conversatory in Beijing, sponsored by the Harvard Alumni of Beijing, and hopefully raise several thousand dollars for Bethel. I emailed Guillaume and found out that the publicity would not be good for Bethel since it is not a registered organization.

After having struggled so much each time it seemed the plans would fail, I finally felt peaceful when I read this email from Guillaume. The plan would not go forward, but it was okay. I remembered what last year's Harvard volunteer had written to me:

"Also, while you're thinking about what you want to do while you're there, I encourage you to first focus first on what will have the biggest impact on the children... These children lack a rigorous educational background and some also have learning disabilities in addition, so it takes a longer time for them to learn things than the average blind person, not to mention the average non- blind person. The orphanage gets adequate funding from donors abroad, so the biggest contribution you can make is actually through your wisdom and personality, not through money."

I thought about this for a while. I still wasn't sure why God had convicted me to leave Under Construction and prepare for a recital for half a semester before I had to let that plan go. I felt that the time I spent contacting people, practicing piano, and stressing out was somewhat wasted, not to mention all the time my parents had to spend helping me. But several months later I see that several things came out of it:

-More friends. Cici contacted me for the first time since we met each other in Beijing last year, and we are great friends and sisters in the Lord. Li Jing, a KSG alumnus in Beijing, is now a family friend.

-A job at CIEE during June. It fit perfectly between the dates of the end of school and the beginning of my trip to China. I gained work experience running a welcome-the-Irish program and made another friend--Jake, who introduced me to Teen Girl Squad.

-Probably the most important--at this point, after hearing the story about the pianist, I realize again that this summer is as much of a learning experience for me as it is for the children. I am learning more than the children, actually. They are learning how to say, "I feel happy/sad/angry because..." and "How much does this cost?" while I am learning just to be grateful to be at Bethel. The recital would have been nice, but the real point of all this is to do what's best for the children.

I look at Guillaume and Delphine who gave up all they had in France and came to China three years ago to start Bethel, while they had an infant girl of their own to care for; I look at the nannies hired by Bethel who take care of autistic, disabled, and blind children like they were their own kids; I look at the volunteers who are here for their second time because they love the children so much. This again affirms that love is really the most important thing in life; in this materialistic, restless country, that is often forgotten. This is a world where the natural impulse is to try to upstage the next person by playing a piece that is more difficult and more fanciful, but there are small havens like Bethel where the goal is just the opposite.

Bethel is about yielding to and sacrificing for other people, whether it is a young blind orphan or another volunteer. It is about patience and kindness, not boasting or selfishness. I have almost memorized these verses from 1 Corinthians in Chinese:

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒，爱是不自夸，不张狂，不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。爱是永不止息。

如今常存的有信，有望，有爱；这三样，其中最大的是爱。